| Author: N K Ravishankara 11 Nov 2009 Member Level: Diamond Points : 5 (Rs. 2) Voting Score: 0 |
It is a tricky and a common situation in some of the houses, normally one used to see the misunderstandings between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but here in your case though common but quite uncommon too, as per your version you seems to be in a joint family or your brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law are young to be get married.
The solution is not so easy, you have to make firm mind, it is your husband can only solve this problem, if it a is genuine one, sit with your husband talk to him, explain the situation, but never take him to your parents house to get him advised, which ultimately may hurt his ego and your problems will become much complicated.
He can only solve your problem and can bring you out of this situation, if, do you have children then you have to take much more care to solve this problem.
It looks like since the day one, the understanding between them and you looks to be not so good, it is always advised to build a good rapport with them in the earlier stages, if not it tends to deteriorate further, rather difficult to solve.
If your husband will not agree to solve this issue, then it is left to you to decide about handling the situation, try to find out the problem with them against you, can be solved, or else any elders known to both of your families, take their mediation to solve this problem, sometimes mere cool talks will solve some big problems, try to solve the problem with talks, or else should be ready to sacrifice your own egos.
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| Author: A ABDUL HAI 14 Nov 2009 Member Level: Silver Points : 3 (Rs. 1) Voting Score: 0 |
In every family this is a big problem. But if you want to solve this problem, You can. Only you show (atleast) to your sister in law that you are taking care of her. If it is the true love with her, promlem will be solved automatically.
And another thing you have to mind it is, don't tell to your husband every thing you experience with her except if there was any major problem. Otherwise, you talk with her in firm situation and ask her why are you behaving like this? Don't stop speaking with her. It is dangerous to you.
Happy life!!!
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| Author: sudha 14 Nov 2009 Member Level: Gold Points : 3 (Rs. 1) Voting Score: 0 |
It is your husband duty to participate in his family matters. But your SIL and BIL are not supposed to enter into your family stuff.Try to divert his attention towards your own family developments. Try to be with him always.Whenever he is in home try to spend more time with him even though everyone is around.Talk about planning for kids,building a house or about his job. IF you can divert his attention towards you then he may not listen to your SIL and BIL.
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| Author: Sandesh N. Salve 16 Nov 2009 Member Level: Bronze Points : 10 (Rs. 5) Voting Score: 0 |
Hi Sharmila,
Its common problem in most of the houses
Being elder in the house it it his responsibility to look after his brother & sister & he is doing it so
If you think his point of view he may have thought that within couple of years both of them would get married let the things go as it is
Being elder person in the family he wont think of seperate living just because he has got married. you may keep this in mind
Dont think that he is not aware of what is hapning in the house?
he wants to see every one is happy in the family he wants all are staying together
He is neglecting all this thing just because, doesn;t want to hurt anyone.
Further he may not be able to answer your questions
which are related to the family members or else
Please dont take him in wrong way, dont ask him more
Beacuse he knows that there only one person on this earth who will understand him & his feelings and thats YOU
Who all are working in the family? SIL, BIL You etc.
If no one then search good job for you ( you will spend at least 8-9 hours out side of house)
search the root cause of the problem
Use the middle path to resolve all the issues
Calm your self always, never reply back harshly, speak softly
Things goes wrong when every ones EGO rises better you hold it.
Last but not the least
Actually a HUSBAND becomes sandwich in married life
Now tell me who's problem is big?
Not to worry things will run smoothly very soon
Regards,
Sandesh
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| Author: Aditya 17 Dec 2009 Member Level: Silver Points : 5 (Rs. 2) Voting Score: 0 |
Sharmila,
This is a common situation and the problem is just because we think they are some other. Let us understand they are part of the family and had been with your husband since much before you came into his life. So naturally they would be there around.
Only important is that it should be an infringement in the privacy of yours with your husband. This can be avoided by having a friendly and coordial relation with your inlaws (both BIL & SIL).
I would just advice we should put ourselves in the other's shoe in such cases and the answer to all problems would be there.
Be a little patient, a little friendly, and a little understanding. I'm sure it would clear all the problem.
In no case such situation be handled by ego, criticism, anger, quarrel, pinpointing or any such activity. So avoid such instances and with a little matured outlook you can win the situation.
Happy living,
Aditya
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| Author: Aarti 21 Dec 2009 Member Level: Gold Points : 4 (Rs. 1) Voting Score: 0 |
This problem most of women should face and sister in law is the big issue for most of them. if your sister in law is married then you can answer her because she is no right for interfering with your family. You are the most imp part of your family. give easy and calmly explanation to your husband only. he is main support to you in your house. if your husband is understandable then tell all of secrets and things to your husband.
If anythin wrong dont make serious issue because nothing can happen. At night tell you husband everything what happnes in whole day.
Thanks
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| Author: Rajeshkumar 07 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 4 (Rs. 2) Voting Score: 0 |
It is very common thing happens 90% of families other 10% were who may not have sister-in-laws thats all. You inform the things happening to your husband first whatever he listens or not? because for every action there will be a reaction as like without informing to your husband if you speak something harshly to your in-laws it make a big issue and no one will be supportive to you.
Tell your husband that he has a wife and child and need to save for your family also. Apart from enough money you have he can spend for them. Then on influencing on all deals in wrong after brother's marriage. No one could interfere among husband and wife lifestyle unless they both leak any affairs or problems. So you itself you stiffly say this is not a manner to involve in family issues.
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| Author: Hafeezur Rahman P 08 Jan 2010 Member Level: Gold Points : 6 (Rs. 3) Voting Score: 0 |
Hi,
It is common in almost all joint family, every bride used to face more or less such scenarios when she enters into husband’s home, try to dominate each other along with family politics begin till nuclear starts at home to make separate family…now people become more aware after getting knowledge of neighbors or relatives home experience, own family practical experience and very important watching tele-serials.
Be honest, God will support you, and who ever selfish or doing wrong, try to convice politely and advice them if they continue it. It is not their (sister in laws) house only, but actually it is permanent for you and it is your own house now. Do not go separate with your husband from that house for silly thing even if there is a benefit for you. Try to be at that home even minor loss for you – face life.
If you separated from them or that house, a day will come little late where you will recall your past and realize yourself that you did big mistakes by moving, and the same thing will do by your son in the future.
It is specially depend on your own character over there either to break or build your own status and heaven over there.
It is just same story for all (including your sister in laws), here face and time changes…All the best.
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| Author: Krishnadas 08 Jan 2010 Member Level: Gold Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
Dear Sharmila,
(1) For you they are sister in Law, whereas for your husband they are sisters.
(2) You have now entered in to their family. It is quite natural that sisters have more bondage towards their brother.
(3) They must be feeling that you have come to steal their brother.
(4) You need to show more love towards them and make them feel that you have not come to take away their brother.
(5) Your husband will not have much choice. He cannot ignore his sisters. Otherwise he will be branded as henpecked.
Krishnadas
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| Author: kishore549 09 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
firstly ask your husband to go on a trip for any peaceful place. there u don`t raise the names of your brother in law and sister in law first. be cool and close to your husband till your husband raises their names. when he raises their names u simply move away from him for a while for 2 min and approach him saying than not to lift there names when we both were in joy and you also tell him than not to excite listening to there problems because as a home maker i`ll look after them and u don`t enter in those problems.
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| Author: kishore549 09 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 0 Voting Score: 0 |
in a pleasant mood husbands listens to wives words. utilize the sister
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| Author: samli 09 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
hi
i have not experienced this problem because am still a bachelor.
but i can get to your position by comparing wit my family.
you must talk to your spouse when he is happy with you, otherwise you must make a situation where he wil be happy by cooking his favourit food,etc. Then you must explain him with all the bad time you got in past wit your sister in law. try to make a bad impression on them inside your spouse.
I am sure this will work out and he wil no more believe to their talk.
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| Author: sushma 12 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 4 (Rs. 2) Voting Score: 0 |
I would just advice we should put ourselves in the other's shoe in such cases and the answer to all problems would be there.
Be a little patient, a little friendly, and a little understanding. I'm sure it would clear all the problem.
i have not experienced this problem because am still a bachelor.
but i can get to your position by comparing wit my family.
you must talk to your spouse when he is happy with you, otherwise you must make a situation where he wil be happy by cooking his favourit food,etc. Then you must explain him with all the bad time you got in past wit your sister in law. try to make a bad impression on them inside your spouse.
I am sure this will work out and he wil no more believe to their talk
In no case such situation be handled by ego, criticism, anger, quarrel, pinpointing or any such activity. So avoid such instances and with a little matured outlook you can win the situation.
Happy living,
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| Author: kamaldeep 18 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 5 (Rs. 3) Voting Score: 0 |
The solution is not so easy, you have to make firm mind, it is your husband can only solve this problem, if it a is genuine one, sit with your husband talk to him, explain the situation, but never take him to your parents house to get him advised, which ultimately may hurt his ego and your problems will become much complicated.
He can only solve your problem and can bring you out of this situation, if, do you have children then you have to take much more care to solve this problem.
It looks like since the day one, the understanding between them and you looks to be not so good, it is always advised to build a good rapport with them in the earlier stages, if not it tends to deteriorate further, rather difficult to solve.
If your husband will not agree to solve this issue, then it is left to you to decide about handling the situation, try to find out the problem with them against you, can be solved, or else any elders known to both of your families, take their mediation to solve this problem, sometimes mere cool talks will solve some big problems, try to solve the problem with talks, or else should be ready to sacrifice your own egos.
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| Author: Runa N Borah 18 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 5 (Rs. 3) Voting Score: 0 |
Love and take care of them honestly , because for your hubby his siblings means a lot . But don't let them take advantage of your honesty . It is true that you don't want an opinion at every point of your life from a third person .Initially you may not like to share your space with them after marriage .But try to create a bond by taking and offering help to them .Don't think life without them because it my hurt your spouse .
You will see when you will be a mom your sis in law and bro in law will be of trtemendous help for you . So try to maintain a cordial relationship . Politely show them the cause when you cannot take their opinion . Avoid confrontation , especially in front of your hubby . And praise them honestly for small reasons too when your hubby is there . This will work toward getting his approval when you need it while dealing with them .Remember your sis in law is actually a guest in your family . So hold your ground firmly yet politely .
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| Author: sowjanya p 18 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
Hi sharmila,
Remember Two things first you are the first outsider to enter into their family so takes time for them to adjust with the circumstances.Second, as they are siblings to your husband they have grown up sharing things.Now if you think them interfere more into your personal stuff just have a word regarding that with your partner.If he neglects your word try for establishing your bond with sister-in-law and brother-in-law.Take them easy otherwise.
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| Author: kasthuri 19 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 4 (Rs. 2) Voting Score: 0 |
1.Tell everything if you are facing really any problem toyour husband.
2.Don't scold them when your husband is not there,because they may change the version.
3.Remind everytime to your husband that they are the problem creators if they are really with such nature.
4.Tell whatever you want to tell in front of your husband.
5.If they are average be friendly with them and everything will be solved.
6.If they are wicked mind, don't be patient everytime, express that it is wrong and ask them clearly not to make such issues ;and request them not to bring such clashes between you and your husband. do this before your husband even if he scolds you.
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| Author: PATTABIRAMAN RAMACHANDRAN 20 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
Sharmila,
It is not a new thing madam!
See the reality from their (bil/SIL) view also. If it is justifiable, tell your husband to help them to the possible extent so that it should not affect your family. You can think in the way that if your brothers/sisters are like this,how you would treat this matter.
So, see the reality and act accordingly.
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| Author: shivani arora 20 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 3 (Rs. 1) Voting Score: 0 |
Hi!
this is one of the common problems in the houses. The problem which you are facing can be solved by little bit of frankness both from your side as well as your husband side. You can talk to him abpout this matter in a very co-operative manner and should specify him that he should help them only to a certain extent so that it doesn't poses any kind of problem in his family.He can make them understand that being a married man he, also has the resposibility of his family so they should co-operate with him.
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| Author: Pankaj Costa 20 Jan 2010 Member Level: Gold Points : 12 (Rs. 8) Voting Score: 0 |
Dear Sharmila,
First of all thanks a lot for share your problem frankly with ISC. This is a common problem in the joint family. If by chance any mistake had done my house wife, everybody take a chance to make it major issue. Not all but maximum joint family having this tradition and mainly problem created between house wife and mother in law or sister in law.
They never can accept heartily their wife as a close part of the family. They always think she came from other place / home and she should follow all the instruction whatever instructing by husbands family.
Even maximum time husband also do not try to understand the problem, he also think that maybe wife can not accept the the situation or she is fail to adjust with his family. But this is true, maximum time wife is facing critical situation and stay under over instruction / pressure or command, she can not move or can not do anything for their family with freedom.
Husbands family is always keeping try to convenience him to follow everything like earlier / before marriage and that is why husband can not get the chance to do something for his own family i.e. for his wife and for the next generation.
What is the solution? This is really tough to make him understand about this. He will not try to understand or will not try to resolve this situation for better life. When he can understand you know? One day will come, when he will get few personal problems and will be not able to give enough support to his family, that day he will be able to realize the real things and must be move from his present nature.
I saw few practical history and that person (Husband) realized his mistake when he got some problem.
Every body has few close friends, maybe your husbands also having close friends. Try to make him understand through his friends, you can first share with them frankly, you can think, why should involve third person in to family matter but this is better for your future life. I did same thing with one of my friend, he understood the real situation and changed himself. Now he is more active for his own conjugal future.
If you face major problem with brother / sister / mother in law, do not bargaining with them, sit with your husband and tell him all the details whatever is happening with you. If he do not trust you or think that what you are telling major actually that is no issue, then you have make your self deplomatic. How? Let me say one small example from my life.
Always I thought that my wife is unable to adjust with my sister because she came from rich family and her mentality is not like us. When she complaint about my sister, I took lightly and never been serious. Then what she did? One day in my absence my sister did very rude behave with her and underestimated with nonsense language, she did not answered her, secretly she captured audio in to her mobile. She did not use that in the same day. After few days when she understand I am in fresh mood, she played that audio. Now what should I do? Yes, realized the real factor and my mind has been changed. Now we are fine and happy.
Hope, my example will be helpful for you. Try to make yourself as diplomatic to get better result. Wishing you all the best. Be happy with your own family.
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| Author: [Anonymous] 22 Jan 2010 Member Level: Gold Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
Heello! Sharmila
In my opinion your’s is only your husband and kids, your brother and sister in laws are not now from your family. Which is the universal truth and this feel also by your husband as well as to your husband extended family members.
We all are human being and if your brother and sister in laws are living with your family that can be your or their problem but they should not interfere in your family.
And at this situation by well understanding of your husband you can dig the solution on this
All the best
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| Author: Venkatesh Bhat 25 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
Hai Sharmila,
Please take him to your side smoothly. First take his people to your side by taking care about them and so on. For some days you should leave your willings. Please consider otherws willings to success. Now automatically your willings goes to success. Now your husband and his people are in your control. Please try this. Don't take it in harm way.
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| Author: Sushila S Iyengar 28 Jan 2010 Member Level: Gold Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
Sister-in-laws are accepted as one's own sisters and treated like them. We should be friendly and behave good with them. Never we should remember that they are from husband's sisters and develop a fear or hatred for them. There is no reason to hate them of course.Whenever they are in need we should rise to the occasion and do whatever possible financially or physically to solve their problems and make them happy.
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| Author: PATTABIRAMAN RAMACHANDRAN 28 Jan 2010 Member Level: Silver Points : 4 (Rs. 1) Voting Score: 0 |
sharmila,
you are also a sister to your brother. If you have any problem,you will defenitely go to your brother,is it not?
Like this,your sil/ bil are coming to your husband. moreover your husband is eldest and he is having responsibility of leading youngers. Only in our India, there is a culture of giving respects to elders. Go to interior parts of Tamilnadu,you can see the people with respects - in madurai,virudhunagar,trichy etc., people called the ladies as akka/thankachchi and gents as anne/thambi.
You should treat the BIL/SIl as your own brother/sister as you are also having responsibility of leading them as both of you have taken vow in your marriage to shoulder the other's goods and bads.
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| Author: Sureshchandra 30 Jan 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 1 Voting Score: 0 |
First try to gain more confidence of your housband then convince at your best. Let your husband help them upto some extent. Convince him in future you family will also grows at the same time try to gain confidence of your brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws.
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| Author: bhavana 02 Feb 2010 Member Level: Bronze Points : 2 Voting Score: 0 |
It is a common problem with in-laws found in almost all families., but be careful while resolving this.
First try to analyse from your side, are you trying to separate your husband from his family unintentionally , trying to find mistakes from their end. If that is the case, try to make up your mind not to do so.
If the mistake is with your husband, sit with him and try to resolve this.This is not a one day task .but try to convince him
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